Somewhere this life of faith is about courage in the face of fear.
I have had a great deal of fear. Fearful about failing. Fearful about reaching out. Fearful about what others will think about me. Yada Yada. Somewhere in Garland there is a box of courage that I left behind. I felt it was a courageous move for me to go work at Jos. A Bank. It was admitting that life had gone astray and that I was rebuilding myself. I felt courageous in CPE. I felt courageous in accepting the move.

So, I was at an open 12 step meeting and one of the guys dropped 46 f bombs and basically said, "To be sober is not to be phony. You can fake it and go smoke weed, but I am not one of those folks. You have to find God or you will be in the same f###ing place you are now." It was one hell of a sermon and it convicted me. I have to remember how far I have come. I have to remember that I am doing this for the gospel and that Jesus walks with me. I have to remember that it matters not what anyone thinks, but it matters what Jesus thinks. I have to give this all up, so I can gain serenity, courage and wisdom.

So, as my 12 stepping friend said, "Quit f---ing around if don't want to f----ing do this get out."
I am in, all in.