Witnessing grace

Last night, I got a picture mail on my phone. I have a new phone number, so I have been getting odd calls. I looked at the number and realized that I did not know anybody who would send me a picture mail. I left the picture unopened. Amy and I just went back to working on the household budget.

A little while later, I get a phone call from a girl or young woman who asks if I got the picture and she realizes that she does not know me.

"Did you get the picture?"
"Yes, but I did not open it."

"Will you please delete it?"
"Sure."

"Please delete it, oh my God it is embarrassing."

I hung up the phone and went back to the budget. Upon finishing, I pondered opening up the picture to see what it was. My curiousity had really gotten to me. What is so bad? Then I decided that I needed to do thing of grace. If I made a mistake in my life, would I want a do over?

So, I deleted the picture.

I think that was the graceful thing to do. Opening it...there may have been something that would have disturbed my well being. So, I just deleted it and that was grace. I pondered sending a text back to her...defining this as a grace filled moment. Felt a little too creepy. A phone call, a little too intrusive. So, I let my actions be the last words...I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but it is all I had.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

What a day

This morning I got up to run 12 miles on the Yokohl River road. It is a road that goes up into the foothills of the Sierra Madre. It is a hard run from a flat land runner like me. We started in the dark and the sky was filled with stars. More stars than I had seen in awhile. Then dawn broke upon the golden rolling valley. At the turnaround, I could hear off in a grove of Oak trees, the yelps of pack of coyotes. Awesome.

After I got home, we got the family into the car for 2 1/2 hour ride to the beach. The night before, I bought Samuel a boogieboard. So, we went to Cayucos and hung out for a few hours. Samuel was a natural on the board, riding waves all the way to the shore. Dad, not so much.

A road trip with the the fam from hills to beach in a day. That is one of the reasons to live in California.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Beginning again

I had begun grieving the move from Dallas to Visalia for awhile. I cried a couple of times. When we handed over the keys to our house, I cried. Garland is not garden of Eden, but that house was the place where much of our life happened. It was the house that welcomed Nathan to our family. Perhaps, that house saw me have a bit of transformation in my own life. I cried a bit when we left SpringCreek Church. I cried a bit when I ran for the last time, but I felt good about that. I had spent a great amount of energy and sweat...there were friends there. That is good. I cried at Korean camp. Finally, I was done crying and was ready to move.

So, Amy, Samuel, Nathan, my brother Cody who was the helpler, and myself left Dallas to head to Visalia. A three day journey. When we crested over the mountains on I-5 and saw the San Joaquin Valley, I felt relieved. We were almost there.

We have unpacked the boxes and began enjoying life in Visalia. Thursday night Farmer's Market, Friday night Bar B Q in downtown. Tri Tip is the speciality, not bad. In n Out Burger. A box full of fruit. Running in the foothills of Sierra Madre. Cool Mornings and Hot Afternoons. A city that is 15 minutes across by car.

Sunday was awesome. The people were very welcoming. The adventure begins. I knew and believe even more that getting to Visalia was going to be the easiest part.

fearless joy,
guido

grace and courage

Two quick points.
Smoking done, Barbecue done. Flavor was good, but I did not master the trimming of the brisket and to be honest trimming the brisket is key. We went marbled instead of lean. A little disappointed with how it turned out, but I have learned...pork butt that is where it is at.

Party was good from my perspective. Friends checking out the house before we leave. I really appreciated seeing folks who mean a great deal to me and if they felt that as they left then my goal was reached.

Now, cool thing that happened.
Today, as I was running at the lake. Got finished and was psuedo stretching. A woman walked up to me. "Are you Niel?"
I paused and wanted to know if I should stick to Guido, "Yeah."
"You knew me when I was in seventh grade."
"Did we go to school together?"
"No, you were my youth minister in DeSoto. My name is Blythe."
"Yeah, I remember. Cool how are you doing?"

Man, I remember Blythe and that small youth group that taught me a lot helped me learn about church. Her family was great. She hand an older sister and her mother helped me through a great mission trip to San Antonio.

It made my day. What it reinforced in me was why I do this thing called ministry. It is about touching people's lives. As I was packing, I came across the book that youth group had given me as a parting gift. She had some personal words to me about that mission trip to San Antonio. I was eating lunch with another young person who I have ministered, she is consider a call to the ministry. She was a little discouraged and I told her the story of Blythe. "That is the reason to be a minister. You do things and you hope that they have made a difference. The funny thing is that you never get the joy of knowing how much of an impact you made. You trust that God is using you."

So, I pack the house today and get ready for the mover's to arrive. I do that knowing that God can use me. He has and I trust that he will.

Who are the folks who you hope you touched?

Fearless Joy,
Guido

smoke

One thing that I enjoy doing is smoking meat. In the Midwest, they call it Barbecue. In Texas anything that goes on a grill is called a Barbecue. But, let's just move back to the smoke, the coal, and the challenge to bring a smokey flavor to meat. I just love the process.

It takes a great deal of time, and the risk is that the adventure fails and the meat winds up tough as leather.

Today, I got a brisket on the smoker and it has been on the smoker for about five hours.

It is a slow go, and I think I need to leave this world to go back to the world of smoke.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Resolution Rant

One of my frustrations with our tribe's biennial gathering is the business sessions. My first GA was in Tulsa, 1991. It was a blood bath of a GA over the issue of leadership and homosexuality. Both sides were foolish.

Over the years, I have voted against many resolutions, because I vote against the resolutions unless I am personally willing to live out the resolution. So, even if I think the resolution is good, unless I am willing to live my faith into it... I feel hypocritical or irrelevant. Both are not what I want to be. Maybe this is just my West Texas perspecitve, of the individual of critical importance.

What gripes me most about the business sessions is this. We have these debates where a person gets a couple of minutes to put together a opinion. So, the debates are nothing more than sound bites. That is what sucks about public discourse. We become nothing more than Ann Coulter's and Bill Maher's very shallow and very strident.

This Campbell-Stone movement cut its teeth on debate. It grew through dialogue. It champions itself as a reasonable faith. We lift up the head above the heart, most times. Our practice as a body to make decisions is the worse of public discourse, the sound bite. Not a reasoned argument, a well-formed opinion, and one cannot come with an open mind and be persuaded. There is not enough time.

I think that is what ails these gatherings. Liberals and Conservatives can't have a dialogue, can't learn to appreciate the gifts that each has to share when we are reduced to every two years of sound bites. We squabble over issues that really are not essentials. Homosexuality is not an essential. It is a non-essential issue. I think Jesus takes people as they are not as they should be.

So, I really wish we were resolved not do this anymore...we won't be. I told a friend that I could be found at the Flying Saucer, a FW pub, during the business meetings. Maybe over a Shiner, I can have a conversation with a person who has a different opinion and through that dialogue my mind and heart might change. So, if you are in FW, I will be at the Flying Saucer in the afternoon and Starbucks in the morning. A seat will be open for you.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

To give a moment of grace

For some reason beyond my own fathoming, I get up at 5:00 AM to go workout at White Rock Lake. We are doing a workout with an acronym that I cannot remember. It involveds push ups, squats, lunges, etc. Things that are best done in the early morning hours when few people are around. It is a tough workout and I usually feel it for a couple of days.

Today, on my last 800 meter run, a woman was walking. It was the familiar walk of one who has been beaten by the workout and is just trying to finish. I know it well. I passed her as I was doing my cool down again. I thought, "Guido, you have been there, give her a little encouragement." As I finished up, I walked back down to meet her.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"Yeah, tough workout for a Monday."

"I know. Remember, your worth as human is not defined by one workout, one race, or one hobby you pursue."

She chuckled, "Yeah. What's your name."

"I am Guido."

"Oh, I heard about you."

I am not sure if that was helpful or not. However, it was a moment when I had a chance to make a difference and perhaps it did. I am not a superhero for doing such a thing, because there were selfish motives in my sharing that knowledge. It helped me. It made such an impact that I blog about it see how self centered I am.

But to live out my mission, I had to do it. This is what it will take for me to be effective as a church planter, more interactions of this kind. It only took me five years to develop enough relationships to get credibility to share such words. Oiy!!!

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Marathoning for a cause

This January, Rev. Keith Stewart from Spring Creek Community Church began a sermon series on Africa focusing upon the AIDS and debt crisis. He focused his energy on a Kenyan Village in Katito. Keith was asked by World Vision, who sponsored his trip to Africa, to run the Chicago marathon in efforts to raise funds for Katito.

As a marathoner, I just sat stunned. I had planned on running the Chicago marathon this year and had secretly thought in my head that Keith could benefit from the experience of running a marathon. Never told anybody about that secret, not even Amy. Just had that one inside.

When Keith said that...I just sat in stunned silence throughout the service. I took up the pledge to join some Spring Creek Church folks to run this marathon and raise money for Katito.

I am asking you to make a donation to World Vision. Here is what you need to know.

Amy and I are financing my trip, so all money raised goes directly to World Vision. 100% goes to World Vision.

My goal is to raise 500.00 from folks like you and Amy and I will match the donations to $500.00.

All the money is going to Katito.

For more inspiration check out these sermons by Keith. "On a mission from God," the January series.

Thanks for your support,
Guido

Levi in Mark

I just caught this in Mark, thanks to the Recovery Bible.
Mark 2:15 "That night Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to be his dinner guests, along with his fellow tax collctors and many other notroious sinners."

Levi invited his friends meet Jesus. A new convert to the faith, to the following, invited folks to meet Jesus. What did Jesus and 'the boys' do? They met them and had dinner and witnessed grace.

Mission-to be in the mission field will send the faithful to places that are a little uncomfortable. I recall being in some people's homes that were a little wild. That is part of the business of faith and following Jesus.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Getting to Bonhoffer

There are books in my shelf that are what I call my 'should' books. That is an awful title for a book. I dread when somebody gives me a book and says, "You should read this" or "You must read this."

I have a couple of books like that, "Crime and Punishment" by Dostevsky, anything by Kierkegaard, Douglas John Hall's systematic theology, and Bonhoffer's "Cost of Discipleship."

I feel that my life is a little less than complete for not reading these books. Today, after having Cost of Discipleship on my shelf for almost 20 years, I picked it up again. Today, 'cheap grace' made sense. I got it.

"the only man who has a right to say that he is justified by grace alone is the man who has left all to follow Christ." (pg 55)

As I begin to sense the enormity of the task ahead in Visalia and how difficult that will be. Those lines began to make sense. I think my life in the faith to follow Jesus has been fairly easy. Church camp was paid for. A few classes to get baptized. TCU and Seminary were paid by gracious folks. However, this last year of walking away from ministry to rebuild and redefine myself and coming through to a calling has been a step of faith. I am not sure how enormous, but it has been a more serious adventure than began in years preceding this one.

Now, I am beginning life anew.

Grace is a gift and we must respond to that gift. Grace for grace to be transforming, we must live as we are forgiven and in deep need of grace.

In recovery, I am freed from my habits and addiction by my willing ness to do anything to stay sober. That means praying, reading the big bood of AA daily, making phone calls and being rigorously honest.

As a Christian, I must reorient my life through loving God fully and serving others wholly. (The great commandment.) I must also be willing to go and help others in this world who are in need of grace. (The great commission.) That is a difficult prospect, but it is the way of Jesus.

Thanks DB for being patient and knowing that I would pick up the leaves that you left behind.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Faith

I like this image, because it is a good reminder of faith. I begin this ministry with faith. I am not saying that I am vast resevoir of faith. I sometimes have moments when I have deep fear. Financial fear. Fear of my own limitations. Fear that I will not adapt and be able to reach the people that God needs to be reached. All those at times, cause me to pause.

But, faith overcomes those fears. I move with fear and trembling up the wall. I trust that I have put on my harness right. I trust that I have connected the rope to me well properly. I trust the one who holds the other side of the rope will be capable of holding me as I move up the wall.

Faith. As I think about the core value of this new community. It is faith. It is faith for me to come. But, the first step of faith was their's. They were the one's who had the faith to start. They were the one's who have faith to see gifts in me that will be useful. They are one's of tremendous faith.

So, I am in the harness. I call out "Belay On"...I hear the call out, "On Belay."

I am stepping to the wall and searching for my first hand hold and foothold.

"On Climb" and the voice that calls us has yelled, "Climb On"

I am going to step off the ground this weekend and put my faith in the rope and the belayer who holds me.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

(Photo by David Eppstein)

Lessons from Cane Ridge

In my tribe and its splinter groups, the folks out the Stone-Campbell movement, Cane Ridge is a birth place. It is an old meeting house/church on the Kentucky Frontier where in 1801 a large revival was held. 25,000 people across the frontier gathered for a revival and about 3 to 4 thousand became Christians.

I made my first trip to Cane Ridge a couple of days ago as part of a New Church Planters Peer Group. They told the story and history of the building and the revival. The interesting point about Cane Ridge is that the revival took place outside of the meeting house.

The building was not used for the revival except as a place for the preacher's to sleep and get rest. Cane Ridge provided me with a powerful lesson.

In a church, it is not about the bulding, it is about the mission of reaching out. If Cane Ridge church would have kept to themselves and stayed inside...then nothing would have happened. It took the church reaching out beyond itself.

We have preserved the building, but to me the greater message is that there are stumps outside where preachers hopped up on a stump and proclaimed the gospel to a people who came searching for God and community. As part of the Stone-Campbell movement, I will carry that image with me wherever I serve. I am a Disciple...meaning my mission is outside the walls of any building.

Emerging Churches are lame, my take.

As I am packing my books, I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer going to support Emerging Church Authors. Doug Pagitt, nice guy, but his book is an odd size.

I think the Emerging folks are trying to be cool and hip, so they make books that are not traditional.

A dozen emerging books are a pain in the butt to pack. I can pack the Ante-Nicene, Nicene, and Post Nicene fathers with ease comparted to the emerging folks.

So, I am going to make my theological and ecclesial decisions based upon the packability of the books.

So, folks at Youth Specialities...I am going to wait for the podcast.

Anybody have any Alexander MacLaren books instead of Brian's?

Fearless Joy,
Guido

The key word: Mission.

Why do we as Christians and as a church do the things we do? Why are we who we are?



Mission.


Ultimately, the church exists to care for the one's who are not there. I am a Christian not for my own salvation, but to use 12 step terminology, 'to carry the message.' To help folks who have not been touched by grace, because I know what a life apart from God is.

Angie came to me after worship and said, she had a vision of a junior high ministry. "Niel, you know what is running in my mind. Blues Brothers. 'We are on a mission from God.' I feel like I am on mission from God." It was a mission and for three years, Angie was the catalyst for youth ministry. It was cool. Her mission was generated by listening and watching her daughter's friends. She had passion and calling. She did not have many skills, but those can be learned. We had little money, but passion can overcome dollars or generate dollars.

Why is this church in Visalia being born? That is the question that will drive the life of this church. What is Jesus calling us towards? What message or experience to we have to share that will bring grace, healing and life to one's who are in need of grace, who are wounded, and who are dying?



Being the church is not about being the coolest church in town. It is not about great music. It is not about a great atmosphere. It is not about any of that outside stuff. It is about what is on the inside of the church, the mission.



The churches that decline and die are those that have no sense of mission. They do not know why they exist. Also, those churches that die are those who existence lies in being inward looking and care for one another as the primary mission.



Over the last couple of days, I have been thinking about that. My conflicts in the churches that I have served have been on this issue. People may complain that I do not visit them enough. I have not heard anybody tell me in a church, 'You are spending too much time with us. We need you out doing your mission.'



As I think of the folks, I admire, Herb Kelleher president of Southwest Airlines, I am reminded that on day before Thanksgiving, Herb, as the story goes, would go to work with luggage handlers. That was the place that needed the most help. In my life as a pastor, I have found myself scrubbing toilets, cleaning floors, carrying dead babies, and counseling difficult folks because that was where I was needed. I did those things out of sense of mission. I found myself visiting folks because I cared about them. My frustration came when folks complained about their needs were not being met. I recall telling a young man in prison who had not received a visit in awhile. "You are important to me and I love you. If I have not come to see you, it is because there is one who is hurting more than you. If you could pray for me during the in between time that would be helpful."





My personal mission is this. I am a Christian to bring encouragement to those who fear. To bring out the child of God that lies within every person. To remind folks that Jesus is their friend. To bring folks hope who suffer isolation of shame and regret.





These words by Mary Chapin Carpenter from her son "The Calling" have really been speaking to me.

"Deep in your blood or a voice in your head
On a dark lonesome highway
It finds you instead
So certain it knows you, you can't turn away
Something or someone has found you today



Genius or Jesus, maybe he's seen us
But who would believe usI can't really say
Whatever the calling, the stumbling or falling
You follow it knowing
There's no other way, there's no other way."





What is your mission?
What is your calling that will not let you go?

A new call

Yesterday, I received a call to be a pastor of a new church in Visalia, California.

My posts have been sporadic as this movement to a new church has been a large part of my life that I did not want to process while it was happening. Those discussions were private between my wife, the search committee, and myself. So, those are people who I have an intimate relationship, more intimate than a blog.

However, with this new call, I am going to use this blog to communicate this transition. I am stealing from my buddy Pastor Bruce Frogge who chronicled his journey to Naples, FL.

So, what have I done. I began painting my house. I quit my job at Jos. A. Banks. I am coming to the conclusion that the next few weeks, I need to get myself spiritually around what I am being called towards. I want to invite you on the journey to help in that transition.

So this Texas boy, one who grew up in the Republic of Texas is moving to the Republic of California. My prayer is that I may have courage to be who I am and live faithfully to what God is calling me to become.

fearless joy,
guido

My Nano

Got a nano for Christmas.
Really not a person who ever wanted a Nano or MP3 player. I hate listening to music while working out. Catch that I hated listening to music. Running a treadmill with headphones only lead me to a deeper despair. However, Apple and Nike teamed up with the Nike+ Nano system that is a pedometer and MP3 player.

It is cool. The pedometer is not that accurate, but today I finished a run and Paula Radcliffe congratlualted me. "That was your longest run so far."

It was a surprise, a moment of grace. I know it is not geniune and it is impersonal, but her voice reminded me of my purpose of running. To run with her, Meb, Deena, Ryan, and all the others who lace up the shoes and toe the line for a marathon. It is fun.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Gotcha Day

Today was Gotcha Day for Nathan.

A year ago today, I got off the plane in Dallas with Nathan in one of the most gruelling 10 days of my life. I remember that week in Seoul as I waited alone. It has been a year and has grown.

Catch this great picture of us as we got home.

I remember Amy telling me that I stunk when I got in the car. I smelled of Kimchi and clothes that had been for three days.

Today, we celebrated him being here for a year.

A great year.

I smoked a pork butt today. It was awesome.

More about that story later.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

death of taylor

Taylor is my son's fish. A betta. Taylor came into our family in August. As part of growing up and showing signs of maturity, my son was granted his birthday wish to own a fish, to be a steward of a life. Samuel took the work seriously and he provided care that was exceptional for a seven year old. He enjoyed the fish, but he did not tap on the glass or put his hands in the tank. Following the rules was a key part of the maturing process.

Over the last week, we noticed that Taylor was not eating his food. His movements slowed and most of the time he would hang out on the bottom. We cleaned the tank and that seemed to perk Taylor up. On Friday, Taylor seemed to be slowing down again. I came to the conclusion that he had the dreaded ich. We treated him with drops and then we added a snail to help keep the tank cleaner.

Today, I went to his room before he came home from school. The gills remained still and Taylor would not move when I put a finger in the tank.

When we got home, I took him to the room and shared the news. I let Samuel confirm the diagnosis. Amy had left for airport. This meant that I was alone to handle this issue and over the last few weeks, he had turned to mom for most of emotional support.

I had come to the conclusion that this espisode was going to be my son's first real link with death. He has been with me to funerals and visitations before. However, he rarely knew the folks who had died. Even when one of his beloved Sunday School teachers died, we were out of town unable to attend the funeral, no finality.

This time would be different, he would have to start dealing with death. We knew that would be one of the lessons...fish die. I killed a dozen in my life. I felt for him, because I remember when I raised my sheep for 4-H. That first spring evening when I had to send my ewe to the truck to the butcher was tough. I cried. I gave him decisions on how we would dispose of Taylor. He decided that the flush was not a satisfactory choice. I guess he is right, the fish is more important than poop or pee.
So, we buried the fish in the flower beds. We prayed and I hugged him.

Difficult day for my son, and I hope that I led him through this rite of passage with a monicum of grace and hope.

So, I pray that Taylor is welcomed into God's Kingdom.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Christmas huh

Working retail this year. Never had done the retail industry before. Done the fast food nation. Done the church business, but retail that is another beast. I have found myself unmotivated about Christmas and I think it is working retail. I asked my coworkers if they felt that way and we surmised it was the store. We like work, but retail sucks the spirt of Christmas out. Part of the retail engine is that it paints the picture that world walks into of Christmas lights and specials. Muzak blaring in the store. As Old Navy says this is the season to "Get the Fash ON" I guess that is right. I am not sure.

After this experience of retail life, I empathize greatly with folks in retail who suffer to paint the illusion of Christmas that is really fake. Mid January the Christmas stuff will be put away or thrown away. The associates and clerks will breathe deeply as January will bring slower sales. So, I am not experience the awe and wonder of Advent and Christmas this year and for that I am joyful. I now understand a segment of the population that struggles with it.

In my previous days as a pastor, I saw retail as the bane of Christmas. It was the source of materialism and now I see how the employees are effected as well. I am one of them.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Red One

These are the folks who spent the last half year running with me.
Great folks who taught me a great deal about grace and joy.