Gotcha Day

Today was Gotcha Day for Nathan.

A year ago today, I got off the plane in Dallas with Nathan in one of the most gruelling 10 days of my life. I remember that week in Seoul as I waited alone. It has been a year and has grown.

Catch this great picture of us as we got home.

I remember Amy telling me that I stunk when I got in the car. I smelled of Kimchi and clothes that had been for three days.

Today, we celebrated him being here for a year.

A great year.

I smoked a pork butt today. It was awesome.

More about that story later.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

death of taylor

Taylor is my son's fish. A betta. Taylor came into our family in August. As part of growing up and showing signs of maturity, my son was granted his birthday wish to own a fish, to be a steward of a life. Samuel took the work seriously and he provided care that was exceptional for a seven year old. He enjoyed the fish, but he did not tap on the glass or put his hands in the tank. Following the rules was a key part of the maturing process.

Over the last week, we noticed that Taylor was not eating his food. His movements slowed and most of the time he would hang out on the bottom. We cleaned the tank and that seemed to perk Taylor up. On Friday, Taylor seemed to be slowing down again. I came to the conclusion that he had the dreaded ich. We treated him with drops and then we added a snail to help keep the tank cleaner.

Today, I went to his room before he came home from school. The gills remained still and Taylor would not move when I put a finger in the tank.

When we got home, I took him to the room and shared the news. I let Samuel confirm the diagnosis. Amy had left for airport. This meant that I was alone to handle this issue and over the last few weeks, he had turned to mom for most of emotional support.

I had come to the conclusion that this espisode was going to be my son's first real link with death. He has been with me to funerals and visitations before. However, he rarely knew the folks who had died. Even when one of his beloved Sunday School teachers died, we were out of town unable to attend the funeral, no finality.

This time would be different, he would have to start dealing with death. We knew that would be one of the lessons...fish die. I killed a dozen in my life. I felt for him, because I remember when I raised my sheep for 4-H. That first spring evening when I had to send my ewe to the truck to the butcher was tough. I cried. I gave him decisions on how we would dispose of Taylor. He decided that the flush was not a satisfactory choice. I guess he is right, the fish is more important than poop or pee.
So, we buried the fish in the flower beds. We prayed and I hugged him.

Difficult day for my son, and I hope that I led him through this rite of passage with a monicum of grace and hope.

So, I pray that Taylor is welcomed into God's Kingdom.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Christmas huh

Working retail this year. Never had done the retail industry before. Done the fast food nation. Done the church business, but retail that is another beast. I have found myself unmotivated about Christmas and I think it is working retail. I asked my coworkers if they felt that way and we surmised it was the store. We like work, but retail sucks the spirt of Christmas out. Part of the retail engine is that it paints the picture that world walks into of Christmas lights and specials. Muzak blaring in the store. As Old Navy says this is the season to "Get the Fash ON" I guess that is right. I am not sure.

After this experience of retail life, I empathize greatly with folks in retail who suffer to paint the illusion of Christmas that is really fake. Mid January the Christmas stuff will be put away or thrown away. The associates and clerks will breathe deeply as January will bring slower sales. So, I am not experience the awe and wonder of Advent and Christmas this year and for that I am joyful. I now understand a segment of the population that struggles with it.

In my previous days as a pastor, I saw retail as the bane of Christmas. It was the source of materialism and now I see how the employees are effected as well. I am one of them.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Red One

These are the folks who spent the last half year running with me.
Great folks who taught me a great deal about grace and joy.

Oprah goes down 4:28

Oprah goes down.

Laura and I finishing the marathon before the rain settles in.

Race Week

It is race Sunday before the marathon. I have spent the last few months training for the White Rock Marathon It is a hometown marathon and I have set five goals. I have set them in order of importance.

A.) Have a great time and keep the joy of marathoning.

B.) Beat Oprah 4:28, I believe

C.) Beat Guido 4:40:59

D.) Help Courtney who has been running with me across the finish line.

E.) Five Hours

I may not meet my time goals, but I need to make sure that I keep my joy goals. It is race week and I feel pretty calm about this race. Very calm, not very anxious at all. See how I am doing on Thursday.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

New Church

I heard a sermon last week from Keith Stewart at SpringCreek Community Church It talked about consumerism and our desire to want new things. The sermon really touched my heart, because it forced me to realize at this moment in my process, I do not have a heart for people that I need to serve in this area. My heart is not fully into the new church process at this moment. I think my motivation is somewhat selfish. So, I need to wait.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

November 3, 2006

Isaiah 55:6-11

Seek the Lord while he may be found.
There are moments in my ministry when I have had the opportunity to do some new ministry. There was a moment that I could pursue it or let it go. When I did not pursue it, it went away.

I wonder if the call to ministry is that way. Called to ministry, but do not respond to the call…it fades. Is this what God is saying. This is the moment to follow the call? How do we have patience but have a sense of urgency? This is the mature point of faith and I pray for wisdom to know, to feel in my gut, in my bowels the call of the Lord.

Last night, I talked with Val and he had signs from God to start a church. I am not so huge on signs. They are true for Val. I believe God spoke to him through those. That is his faith. My faith is different. It does not demand signs, it relies upon nudges and whispers and the feeling in the pit o fmy stomach. That feeling, “I am being true to the gospel at this moment.”

November 2, 2006

Proverbs 22:17-21
“Apply your mind to my teaching:
For it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips.”

As a planter, I must be able not only to have the words within my mind, but the words and convictions must live in my guts, my bowels in Hebrew language, the center of my being. There will be time when my head will spin, my heart will grow cold, but in the very seat of my being I must have the faith and confidence that God is calling me, yes me, to this mission of being a church planter.

I am not there yet. It is not rooted in my gut. It is in my head.

fearless joy,
guido

November 1, 2006

Isaiah 6:1-6

“Holy, Holy, the earth is filled with his glory.”

A reminder that the whole earth is God’s. It is in need of reclaiming.
"this place is part of the Kingdom of God."
Also, God is the one who take away my sin and make me useful.
It is God who makes me ready for ministry.
Trust that.
When God calls, I will go.

new beginnings

In July, I resigned from my position as pastor for various reasons. Primarily, my vision of church did not mesh with the church I was serving. I could work at imposing my vision, but was that healthy? I took a step back and let go. For my own health and the health of the congregation. It happens at times when pastors are called for their strengths to complement the weaknesses of the congregation. However, the strenghts of the congregation are sometimes the weakness of the minister. At times, those strengths and weaknesses are so central to belief and call that to capitulate is not possible. Both are good, but together are bad. It is like lemon juice is good. Milk is good. They suck together.

In the interim, I left the church without a position to move into. So, what do I do.

I told myself that I would have to get a job, but I was scared to get a full time job. I would want to make a commitment to stay in a place for awhile before moving on. My wife and I talked about me doing some CPE work and so in September I applied for a CPE position. CPE is clinical pastoral education. It is a process of learning predominantly in hospitals where a person works on pastoral skills and pastoral identity. I thought that I needed to do both. So, I am doing an extended unit of CPE.

I find CPE pretty neat experience and environment. There is a structure to chaplaincy and also a sense of freshness. I do not know if I want to be a chaplain, but I am searching that part out of my call. It is about 12 hours a week. So, I get to hang out with dead bodies at times and people who are going through trauma. It is interesting work.

So, I have filled my other time with a retail job. I needed something that simpler and had some structure to it. I started tonight at the store. It is a clothing store and I enjoyed the work. Made my first sale tonight, woohoo.

In a way, I am excited about these two developments of my life. It means that I have worth and to be honest I was not sure if anything I did was worthwhile. However, I notice I do have some good skills working with people and perhaps that is what God is calling this time. A time of healing, purification, and perhaps this is my own little diaspora.

God is faithful, so I will continue to trust.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Barber Dan

POOL, DAN A., Of Garland passed away May 24, 2006. Mr. Pool, aka "Barber Dan" was Owner/Operator of Spring Creek Barbers in Garland. He is survived by his wife, Gretchen Duersch; mother, Ferne Pool and brother, David Pool & family all of Emporia, KS; sister, Elaine Wilson & family of The Colony, TX. A Memorial Service will be held from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. Sunday June 4, 2006 at Spring Creek Barbers, 3848 N. Garland Ave. Suite 400, Garland, TX. Memorial contributions may be made to charity of choice.

During the summer, I have been having to go Supercuts or Sportsclip to get my haircut, because the barber shop closed. 'Barber Dan' was my barber and I realized a few years ago, I love the four barber chairs lined up, the row of chairs on the other side, rattlesnake hide on the wall, and the right wing cartoons on the coke machine. Did not always agree with any of it, but it was a place to be a man. Not that women with children were not welcome, but they came because they had boys who needed a haircut.

Barber Dan did a good job on my hair, was kind and friendly had good stories and was kind. This summer his van was gone and there was nothing on the door about what to do. Just a note to go to another barber shop. We were without a barber and all of his stuff was gone. I thought he may have had a problem with his hip. Dan had a hip replacement in the early spring, but it was not successful. So, I told him that he needed to get that taken care of. He was not doing well. I almost called his house during the summer to see how he was doing.

Today, I took my son to Kool Kuts/Cool Cuts something that is full of video games and stuffed with kids. The wait was going to be an hour to get his hair cut and I was not going to wait that long. I am impatient as my one year old who was in my arms. So, we went to the barber shop to see if anybody was there. Barber Glen was there and he shared that he told the kids that Barber Dan had gone to heaven. I was a bit shocked.

Then I went home and checked the obits online. There it was.

I lamented to my wife that I had lost my barber and that was traumatic. I did not realize that I had lost a friend and a part of our family. Dan was a blessing and I thank God for him. I mourn his loss and I have to share with my son that Barber Dan has died.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

remembering

Part of today will be moments of somberness and extreme sobriety.
We will be told to remember and never to forget.
Hold this tension of not wanting to Toby Keith and put a boot in the butt of everybody, part of me wants to remember 9/11 as it was a day the world changed, and part of me wants to forget because it hurt.

I recall when the first plane hit the tower. I was watching CNBC and they broke to World Trade Center and there it was smoking. I thought to myself, "Must have been an oblivious Cesna or something that ran into the tower." I turned off the TV and got my son ready to go to Ms. Becky's house and was listening to Sports Talk Radio and the weather guy was on for his segment and he told Jason Whitlock, "Sort of just matter of factly in shock, another plane hit the tower." I quickly went back to the TV to see what had happened and the video showed a jetliner crashing into the tower. My eyes widened and I felt the cool air on my dry eyes then I squinted. That was no accident, it was on purpose.

I drove my son to Ms. Becky's listening to the radio. The news guys and gals were working with facts and I could tell they were shook up. I got to Ms. Becky's and I asked her, "You heard what happened?" She said some other mothers were talking about it when they came in. I let Samuel go and she picked him up and held him pretty close.

I went to work at the church and I had the radio on, tuned into the internet, and the TV with no cable was giving me some fuzzy pictures. I remember hearing about Washington DC and I was scouring the internet for anything about the Flight 93. It was unconfirmed at the time and I was told it was near Pittsburgh, but there was a crash.

I called Amy to ask about her sister who was flying out that day of LaGuardia. She got word back that she was alright. Then I had this feeling that every city was going to be hit. The Sears Tower, the Arch in St. Louis, L.A.. All day planes were going to be flying into buildings. I felt that vunerable.

I heard on the radio as Peter Jennings shared with us all that first tower had fell and I could hear the grief in his voice. I turned the TV on and watched the replay of the fall and waited for the next one to fall. I had hoped and prayed that somehow a miracle would happen and the second one would stay up. It did not and when it fell, I turned off the TV and sat in my office for a few moments and went home to watch the TV on cable. There was not going to be any work done.

My wife was working at home and I talked with her. I asked if anybody was at the office. About 2:00 PM, I quit watching, all plane flights had been cancelled there was no more danger. The towers were down, the Pentagon was under control. I went for a run and it was a beautiful fall day in Kansas City. I ran and it was the most normal thing I could do. To see that life was still continuing.

I was supposed to have an interview with a church that night. I called the search committee chair and asked him, "Do you want to do this interview tonight?"
He responded, "I don't see why not?"
It was the worst interview ever. There was no energy on my side of the phone and none on theirs. We all were thinking of something else.

I picked up my son that afternoon and there was a line of 30 to 40 cars at the cash station blocking the road. There was this tremendous fear that we would be out of gasoline. I just said, "What idiots." That was the irrationality of the day.

I recall that sports talk radio went off the air for three days. The world stopped on Wednesday and normalcy started returning Thursday and Friday. I just remember afterwards, conversations being about that day, dinner parties and such. That weekend, we had a company dinner and some of the folks were not there because they were still not able to leave where they were at.

I recall wanting to join the State Department to help out. I thought about the Army, but I had a son. I just recall that I felt more American. I could not find out how do that without being reactionary.

To be honest these reflections are not that spectacular, but just an ordinary person's remembrances.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

Running and age

The last three races I have run, I have placed.
The funny thing is that two of those races, have been my slowest times.
The competition is scarce.
I told Amy that i was really concerned about my speed. "Am I slowing down with age that much?"

This morning I got up early and did my 2.8 course that has been my standard for testing myself. I got up and hit the road hard this morning and completed the course in my second fastest time. Of course that is a minute off of my fastest time, but it is my second fastest time. I was proud of myself and decided there was still some hope for my legs.

So, I have placed and medaled in the last three races. That is cool, because I busted my hump in some other races and got nothing. That is why running is joyful and frustrating. But that is the good thing. I go home with a medal and I feel good. If I run a good time, my best time, then I say, "Wow, look at what i have done?" It works both ways.

I am off to sleep, so I can run in the morning.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

essentials and non essentials

Hoffmann von Fallersleben wrote: "In essentials, unity; in non essentials, liberty; in all things, charity." This is my tribe of the church's motto, slogan, credo.

As I was reading Velvet Elvis last night something struck me. Rob Bell talks about that notion of God for Moses was that Yahweh was extremely different from other gods. Yahweh was unseen. There were no graven images of Yahweh, because he was without form. I think Rob is going somewhere else, but those words provoked something in my mind.

I began thinking about "What is essential in my own practice of worship?"

As Disciples we have a few things that we hold as sacred, but are they truly essential or just sacred cows that keep the faithful or the want to be faithful from a deeper spirituality.

Is a cross essential in the sanctuary?
Is an American flag flanked by a Christian flag?
Is a candle?
Is a robe?
Is the lectionary?
Is the hymnal?
Is the table and communion?
Is Baptism?

As I begin to say, "No." I know I am bordering on heresy, but alright Campbell and Stone were heretics. However, only those who are close minded fundamentalists who don't allow a discussion to begin. At least that was what I was taught in seminary. You can be a liberal mainline fundamentalist as much as a hard core fundamentalist. Both are lifeless faiths who depend more upon orthopraxis and orthodoxy than the beautiful mystery of faith. Yeah, I mean to be a little belligerent, but perhaps I see a church that is sinking and is rearranging the chairs on the deck to solve the problem. Bail or swim!!!

As I come to understand my faith, here are the essentials.

Jesus Christ
The Bible
The doctrine of grace
Christian Hope
God's hand in creation

That is basically it. I am not sure there is much more. Putting my faith in a crucible, this is where I cannot waiver.

What are your essentials?
Do you agree or disagree with this list?

fearless joy,
Guido

Floyd news

Floyd Landis' father-in-law committed suicide yesterday Really sad news. It is a reminder that sport is sport and life is life. Life is more precious than sport.

fearless joy,
Guido

Processing through Floyd

Today, I finally could put together what I thought about Floyd Landis' situation with steroids. I have thought for the last couple of weeks that he was guilty. I suspected earlier, but I hoped I was wrong.

I am disappointed and feel cheated. During the awards ceremony, I stood a mile away from the podium. However, they blasted the ceremony down the Champs-Elleyes. They began playing the national anthem and I remember hearing the murmuring of other Americans quietly mumble singing the National Anthem. It was the first time that I had been outside the United States and heard the National Anthem. I had a better understanding that I was American. There was a sense of pride that the US had won 8 straight Tours. Had won 11 out of the 20. We are the most dominant country in the Tour. Then all the jibes from the others were made correct.

Floyd had cheated and all that is wrong with America, he made evident. People who lie, cheat and cut corners. Whole team was probably cheating, but Landis was so dumb that he did not have his masking agent that day.

Do I wish he would have not got caught and still cheat. No, I think it is good for him to get caught cheating. He was. He is acting like some high school kid changing stories constantly. Sorry Floyd, but I think you cheated.

Man that hurts to say.

Fearless Joy.

Fishing with my son

When I was a kid, I never caught a fish. I went with my grandfather every year to fish for trout but I never caught a fish. I was not patient enough.

So, my son wanted to go fishing. He loves fishing. We have a fishing game on PS2. I took him to a trout farm so that he could have the joy of catching fish and I could shell out a few dollars to make it more conveinent for me. The response from Samuel was, "Wow that easy, I am a good fisherman." My response was "You have no idea about real fishing, boy."

Yesterday, I told my son that "We will go fishing tomorrow." This morning, we got up and headed out the door around 7:15 to go to a neighborhood pond. My goal was that we could catch some carp. Not to eat, but just to enjoy catching them. So, I put some bread on his hook and he tossed the line out. Within seconds the boy was hollerin' "I got a fish dad." He was reeling the fish in and out on the bank was a 3lb catfish. A nice fish. I take the hook out and we throw the fish back in.

Next cast and there is a wiggle off the bobber. Then it goes under. He pulls in a smaller carp.

Two casts and two fish. This whole idea of real fishing was gone. He says, "I got some fish Dad and you did not."

Thanks Kid!

A funny day and I chuckled that God was not going to make life any easier. I will be fishing more often, because he caught them quickly. Interesting thing was that he took it seriously, got very still after that watching the line. A good morning for a beautiful kid.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

culture camp

My son and I are attending culture camp in Tulsa. It is an opportunity for families to gather to celebrate the joys of adoptions and also navigate the difficulties. It is awesome to be in a room of 200 Korean kids adopted. In this room they run, jump and celebrate each other. I am not sure how they process their uniqueness as a group, but they do in some child like way. I hear stories from parents, my son or daughter looks forward to this week all year long.

As a parent, it reminds me that my family is different. It reminds me that my family is special, unique and tremendously blessed. We are a Korean-American family. I try all year long to be the same and fit in with American culture. However, we are a thread that makes the tapestry of America beautiful.

I think God for this week and I am blessed to be part of this group. Especially the beauty of these wonderful families.

Fearless Joy,
Guido

The longest birthday

July 24th began for me waking up at 6:00 AM in Paris to get a shower and finish the last details of packing as we headed home. But the story begins in May.
Amy booked me on her flight to Paris, but did not buy the ticket. She just did not pull the trigger. She was waiting as she sometimes does when she purchases tickets. The hold lapsed and the ticket price went up 2 grand. So, I could fly on her flight if I wanted to spend 3000 dollars. She was going to be sitting in Business class and I in stowage/class. I told her that she should sit up front, she would be more comfortable. She felt guilty, but I told her. I want you to do sit up there.

Well when the ticket lapsed, she had to have me connect. So, I connected through Boston on a separate plane from my wife on my birthday. We arrived early for our flight, but Amy got us into the Admiral's club where we could COLD Diet Coke, water, and wine for free. Also, we could use our laptops since there were plugs on the walls.

Well, Amy's plane left first and I had time to wait. So, I put in Braveheart and watched the Director's commentary with Mel Gibson, never did that. So I had time.

TIme came for me to board, so I went up to my gate. I boarded and used my cool headphones that have better sound than the worthless earbuds of American Airlines. Flight came and went, I was awake the whole time. Arrived in Boston and left Boston.

The gist of this longest day. Somewhere over Kentucky, I looked up in my extreme tiredness and thought, "Guido, what a great day. YOu have watched Braveheart, guilt free. You have finished two books, guilt free. You have been to Paris. You have two great sons. You have such a relationship with your wife that you can send her alone across the world and both of you can have a sense of no guilt about that decision. Your relationship has a sense of pragmatism in its romanticism. Who cares that your meals for the day have included plane food and a dry tortilla wrap in the Boston airport. Your life is good."

The second longest day of my life was about gratitude and I turned a year older. If this is what growing up is about, then I gratefully welcome it.

fearless joy,
guido